12 Comments
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Dee's avatar

Thank you for this post. I'm sorry for what you went through and continue to experience. I can relate very much to what you're saying.

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Camille's avatar

Thanks for this. It’s really real and brave to put it out there.

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RWalk's avatar

Thank you for this.

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Marisol's avatar

"Secondly, I know I’m not the only one around who isn’t watching their retired Dad man the grill as the happy extended family frolics in the back yard this year. And I think it can feel better when you know you’re not the only one."

Thank you....you are not the only one. And all who need to know that they are not the only one appreciate this. This is such an important, heartfelt, brave and beautifully-written essay, Thank you.

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Molly Watson's avatar

beautiful in style and sentiment ❤️

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Nancy Painter's avatar

It's such a pleasure to read such writing from the heart, Joy. This is an important essay and I thank you for sharing it. I'm sorry, though, for the pain your dad wove into your life over the years. I admire your courage and resiliency - and your bright spirit that always shines through. xoxoxox

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Meghan M's avatar

Read straight through at top speed. You’re a great writer. And an amazing person.

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L A Davis's avatar

My dad also said "shit in one hand, wish in the other, and see which one gets full first." He was abusive, and had a strange sense of humor which I also have, and greatly appreciate. I know he loved me, but love isn't enough to make a good relationship. I've made my peace with him. He's long gone now, passed in a nursing home. And I wouldn't be me without him. THANK YOU for sharing your story. I hope you're able to be at peace with your thoughts of him, and if that's not possible I hope you feel less pain in those thoughts.

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lynn buono's avatar

God, this is great writing, and even greater content.

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Estelle Tracy's avatar

Thanks for turning your heartbreak into art. Thinking of you, Joy.

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Dagmar's avatar

Thank you for sharing this. I am deeply impressed.

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Jocelyn Grayson's avatar

Oh, Joy. This is such a heartfelt and heartbreaking essay. (So much more than just a “post.”) I don’t have anything meaningful to say that you surely haven’t thought of. All I can say is that I really am in awe of the honesty and vulnerability in your words. Clearly, they came with a lot of deep, deep soul searching about the nature of your father’s own vulnerabilities and how that shaped whom you (and your sister) have become. I hope you have found some peace.

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