Let Me Eat Cake

Even vegans get sick and die. In the meantime, you gotta live!

I made this orange-almond-olive-oil cake from a recipe the amazing Fran Costigan shared with me!

The main reason I shifted to a plant-based diet was to take charge of my health. I knew it could lower my cholesterol, which was my focus at the time.

I also knew that plant-based diets reduce cancer risk.

When I stopped drinking alcohol, the association between alcohol and breast cancer was on my short list of reasons to quit. 

Even though I know that no diet or lifestyle can make your health bulletproof, I recently found myself surprised, aggrieved, and afraid when an abnormal finding on my routine mammogram led to a biopsy and about two weeks of dread. 

Here’s an unfortunate thing about me: I blame myself when I get sick. This is the dark side of believing there’s a lot you can do to safeguard and improve your health.

Even though I understand many aspects of my health are simply beyond my control, it’s a deeply ingrained judgemental thinking habit.

As I waited for my biopsy results, I wondered if the 20 years I did drink alcohol were catching up with me now. I thought about missed workouts, times I ate fried tater tots, and the amount of sugar I eat. 

As I could feel the stress chemicals coursing through my body, I berated myself for not meditating enough and poisoning myself with a lifetime of anxiety. 

I thought about the people I know who have had breast cancer. Several of them have a healthy lifestyle not that different than mine. Two were diagnosed despite not drinking alcohol. One is a fellow vegan. 

The hard truth is you can do everything “right” and still have health problems.

As I waited for my test results, which were, like 80% of breast biopsies, benign, I tried to come to terms with the fact that I am a horrifyingly vulnerable human animal and no amount of tofu and kale can protect me from the vicissitudes of aging, biology, and fate. 

During my biopsy, I spent some quality time with the radiology tech. I told her that I warned my husband if I have breast cancer he should prepare for a whole new level of health nuttery. 

I told her, as it was, I didn’t drink alcohol or eat animal products. 

“You should go home and have a glass of wine,” she said. “You gotta live.” 

I don’t think this is great advice—at least not for me.

I thought about why I don’t drink alcohol anymore and it’s because I enjoy life more without it. 

For me, enjoying life is more about cake.

I spent some of the nervous hours waiting for my biopsy baking.

I recently got tiny 6-inch cake pans, which make baking a cake more approachable and low-stakes.

I made orange-almond cake, apple cake, and chocolate cake. 

I tried to fully enjoy them without worrying too much about the sugar. 

You gotta live.